Someone Please Explain What’s Happening Right Now.

Because I do not get it.

How do you even respond to that? Continue reading

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After the Vuvuzela, I Veto This Idea.

Last night, Husband and I are in bed, and he says, “OH!” suddenly.  Like whatever he’s about to say has been something he’s been waiting to tell me all day.  And then he busts out with this:

Husband: I’m going to invent a new instrument.

Me: Ok.

Husband: It’ll be called the “clarionette.”

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Reason #26329104 Why I Love My Husband

Husband and I are watching TV. Hero escapes prison and jumps into truck. Grabs wires beneath the steering wheel, rips off plastic cover of wire, touches them together. Car starts. Scene continues.

Husband turns to me and says, “That wouldn’t work with brown wires on a GM. You have to twist yellow with pink, then touch them with purple.”

This is why I need my husband. He teaches me how to effectively hotwire a car.

Five Reasons Why You Might End Up Hating Me

Well hello there!  So, you’re on my blog.  This is great news for me (you are filling my head with notions of grandeur!), but let’s discuss a few items before you decide whether it’s great news for you:

Item One: I curse. Like a lot. My own husband gets uncomfortable when I go in public (and he’s a mechanic), because who knows when I’m going to be playing with a toddler who has just kicked me in the shin, and screech out “holy fuck, bitchface!  What the fuck?!”  I can see it in his eyes sometimes, people.  He doesn’t even really allow me to be in the presence of his own (staunchly Southern Baptist) mom, because he’s that frightened.  (And let’s be honest.  He should be.)  Usually, he will wince when I’ve just cursed in front of a preacher, or his sister, or some newborn (like they can understand me), and then his eye will twitch, and he’ll be like, “Taylor.  Why must you curse all the time?” and my response? “Because fuck you.  That’s why.”

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