Don’t Cry, Y’all

Leave that to me.  Because my fucking throat is ON FREAKING FIRE.

Sorry I haven’t been around, and might not be for a few more days.

It started Sunday. I just started coughing a lot, but I didn’t think anything of it.  Woke up Monday, and my throat felt scratchy.  I didn’t feel sick, but I sounded like a bad Kathleen Turner impersonator.

Monday night, tossed and turned.  Apparently I coughed a lot in the middle of the night, and had drainage.  Woke up at 5AM.  Throat hurt so bad, like I’d been sleeping with my mouth open and it was just super raw.  Could barely talk.  Called boss to work from home.

My voice got progressively worse, then a bit better.  All I wanted was ice cream, chicken soup, and mashed potatoes.  Husband took care of me like a champ.

Last night, y’all?  I slept in 30 minute segments.  I’d be in that state of half-sleep where I was really uncomfortable, and everytime I’d swallow, it’d be so painful that it would wake me up.  I tried Nyquil.  I tried drinking water.  I tried throat spray.  NOTHING HELPED. 

I sound like a chipmunk who’s being choked out by an elephant trunk.  (That’s right, wait for the visual.)

I’m going to the doctor today and I will not leave until he either carves out my throat or otherwise fixes the problem, pronto.  At this point, I’m hoping for the former.  I’m not a patient patient.

I’m also going on vacation Friday and won’t be back until Monday (although, we’re going to Mississippi, so it’s possible I’ll be back by Saturday.  Or dead.  One or the other).  I will leave you with two videos that horrified me on Sunday.

Please explain to me what’s going on here, because I don’t understand it. 

You have to watch the whole videos to see the “dance moves” (a phrase I’m loosely applying here) and the hair.  And the clothes.  And the…I don’t even…yeah.

One thing I will give this gal.  Bitch has a pretty voice.  Does not have groove.