So, I guess this is the best forum to air my addiction.
I have a pantsing problem.
Actual conversation with my (poor, poor) husband:
Husband: *in the kitchen, innocently surveying the contents of the pantry in his boxers*
Me: [internally: Oooh…] *yanks boxers to Husband’s knees*
Husband: *huffily pulling his boxers back up, glaring at me with disdain and faintly looking like he is a chubby kid who just got pantsed by the bully at the bus stop* WTF, Taylor.
Me: BOOOTY!! *gleeclap*
Husband: Seriously. If there was a contest for how often a wife pantses her husband, you would be #1. Why don’t you go write about that!!
Me: That’s an excellent idea.
But the problem is, I love his booty. But more than anything, I LOVE the look on his face every. damn. time that I do it. It’s like this look halfway between displeasure and amusement, like he wants to be mad, but the look of sheer joy on my face when I do it makes him physically incapable of staying mad.
So basically, I always win.
Also? My husband is like, A MAN. I mean, duh, because I’m married and I live in the South, so that’s kind of obvious. But he’s a man’s man. He fixes cars and motorcycles and boats and anything else with mechanical parts. He shaves and like, 6 minutes later, he has a 9PM shadow. He’s the guy who drops an engine on his foot and breaks bone, and after profusely cursing, will just make sure there’s no blood gushing from his person before getting back to work. He’s all strong arms and big hands and deep voice and…I’m going to stop or else I will stop writing and attack him instead. In case you didn’t get the point, this commercial came on the television as I was typing this, and it should give you a good visual aide.
He would basically do everything in that video.
So imagine how gleeful it makes me to pants him. It would be like pantsing Dwayne Johnson.
Oh, and I promise I’ll write a real post soon. Probably. Maybe.
Let’s be honest. This is probably the kind of post you can expect from me.
UPDATED: So I forgot a part of the conversation above, and I have added it. For those reading this the first time, you will have no idea what’s going on. (Just go with it.) For those of you (like me) who have already read this post about seventeen times already, you can try to find what’s different. It’ll be like Where’s Waldo, except it’ll be called “Where’s the Snark”. Go find it.
I imagine you probably found it by now, and you have since scrolled back down to this paragraph, mildly bewildered at why I’d even add that to the conversation since it adds no humor to the situation.
Except after I finished this post, I was skimming it on the actual site, and my husband saw the title. He looked at me with horror in his eyes.
Husband: WHAT. IS. THAT.
Me: [completely feigning ignorance] What are you talking about?
Husband: Why does that title say that. [Note, dear readers: this is not a question.]
Me: Dude. I told you I was going to write about it.
Me: YOU told me to write about it!
Husband: Yeah but…people are going to read that.
Me: Yeah, but only some of the people will know you.
Husband: Oh. That makes it better.
Me: Plus, I didn’t use your name. So it’s like artistic license. I could be talking about anybody.
Which is totally true, which means I win. Again.